Stop trying to be happy...

“Happy. I want to be happy.” That’s how my classmate responded to our teacher when asked ‘what do you want to be’. I, as your average third grader, sat there in absolute awe hearing her answer. While she articulated such a profound response, I used my expansive ten-year old knowledge and, when my turn came, spewed the first profession that I could think of- “I want to be a Doctor”. All my other classmates announced various professions- some said they wanted to be teachers, mechanics, dancers …. the list went on. None stood out but for the response on happiness. For a ten-year old, this was a novel paradigm and I bought into the narrative, hook, line and sinker.

The school years passed but this overwhelmingly ageless concept retained its slow incubation at the back of my mind. I often thought to myself that I couldn’t be the only one who felt this way about this concept of happiness and this was vindicated when the odd conversation, with people who have been there and done that, revealed a similar sentiment on happiness- the goal of the average person is to be happy.

Now, as I grow older, this idea becomes unsettling. The idea of happiness is so abstract. It is so fleeting. But what gives it this fleeting nature? To understand this, we need to delve into the distinction made between hedonic and eudaimonic happiness.

If you haven’t heard these words before, don’t worry since I don’t intend this missive to become a research paper. I’ll break it down in simple terms:

The hedonistic dimension of happiness goes like this -- watching your favourite sports team win, having a tweet go viral, winning a debate, biting into a warm chocolate chip cookie- these are all examples of hedonistic pleasures. This aspect of happiness based on a fundamental rule: a maximum of positive emotions and a minimum of negative emotions.

The eudaimonic approach of happiness focuses on meaning and self-realization. As you might imagine, the journey of eudaimonic happiness is not an easy one. It is filled with challenges, questions, doubts, and the natural obstacles of life.

I hope all this isn’t sounding too overwhelming already!

This is why the concept of happiness is fleeting. It may seem obvious that hedonistic pleasures are quite short-lived as the satisfaction that they provide is momentary. For example - the satisfaction of receiving a compliment. It will make you feel good about yourself for a short period of time and then dissipates and soon forgotten.

Eudaimonic happiness offers an unstable experience of positive emotions as a result of which this concept that we love so dearly – happiness, becomes harder to sustain.

On a regular basis, individuals do things to chase happiness- such as going shopping, going on a holiday, doing jobs they don’t care about but pay well, etc. So, at the end of the day, when you wind down and think “what is next on the list of this endless pursuit of happiness?”

Well, it is probably trying to chase another thing that you may think will give you happiness. I think that this entire story that we’ve been told is nothing but a façade. We’ve all bought this narrative that happiness is the purpose of life.

I believe there is more to life than happiness. I refuse to believe that the end product of anything should be happiness. And now, I’ve changed my focus. I don’t particularly care about WHY someone is unhappy but rather HOW you can change that.

Let’s be honest, I am no philosopher. If you expected to find out the purpose of your life by the end of this blog post, I’m sorry to disappoint.

But I do have an opinion. I think the purpose of life is to be useful and to create, I think happiness is a mere by-product of being useful.

Buying a car, going out for dinner, going shopping etc. These things are wonderful and fun. They give me a short-lived sense of happiness, but it’s only consumption. I think I feel a prolonged sense of happiness when I’m not consuming but creating. When I’m being useful, by helping others or myself.

When I say useful, I don’t mean change the world with one great idea but what I mean is smaller acts that maybe useful to just one person- you.

If you’re still confused. Here are a few things you could do:

- Help an old person or a disabled person cross the road

- Build yourself a desk

- Do something for your parents or friends or anyone you love, could be as simple as making them a meal.

- Create your own website

- Monetize your art

I didn’t wake up one day and tell myself that hedonistic pleasures are unimportant. I challenge myself every day TO MAKE THEM unimportant. Being useful is a mindset. One day I asked myself what am I doing for this world? The answer was a scary silence.

The same day I began writing.

For you it can be acting, dancing, writing code, creating a product, helping elderly, or anything you feel like doing. Don’t take it too seriously. Don’t overthink it. Just DO something that’s useful. Anything.

Stop pursuing happiness and start pursuing usefulness.